Subject: Fathering 101 | Lesson 1 - What to Expect When You Become a Father

Lesson 1 - What to Expect When You Become a Father

There are many things that you can expect when you enter the blissful gates of Fatherhood. There will be all sorts of changes, improvements, developments, milestones, etc. Call them however you want, it all echo the same thing - life would never be the same once you take on that responsibility. Some may have been preparing for it all their lives, others might have not planned for it. But everybody goes through the same process once they pass on their surname to another earthling. 

So I thought it would be appropriate, that as a continuation to my blog posts, that I will share with others what I went through. Especially to those that are expecting to be Dads. This can help them become better fathers by looking at the things I do, and obviously, avoiding them. 

Well YOU, would-be Fathers, are indeed lucky:  for before any change in your lifestyle or "perspective in life" takes place, there's one thing that's inevitable to happen in your bodies. 

Yes, your bodies will undergo a biological and physiological change the way you have never experienced before. 

 Chucks, once you become dads, you will grow man-boobs. 

And your kids will think they can feed on it too, not just on their moms'.

Like their moms' are the main course thing, and yours are the dessert. 

And since yours taste sweeter (at least based on my observation of their faces when they play with it), they tend to make a go at it first . 

The first time I saw them, I congratulated myself. As a Dad, my joy cannot simply be contained looking at them. It's like I rediscovered Listerine as a mouth wash and no longer a cure for Athlete's Foot. 

xoxo

P.S. Don't try to compare sizes with your wives'. Unless you're looking for trouble.

Time Flies Fast and Behold, I've Got Two Kids

They're sleeping, soundly.

And I couldn't sleep. Woke up amidst a faint sobbing and the milk didn't work. I had to change diapers.

Nope, I didn't even have to think about it. My hands did all the analyzing. It's been doing it for quite sometime now it has gotten used to the fuzzy logic that makes fathering semi-subconsciously, in a trance, work.

And no, just because you wanted to go back to sleep it doesn't mean that you'd be snoring again. It doesn't work like that anymore. Like it did three years ago - just like when I last wrote a post on this blog.

Wait! Three years?!?!

Yep, three years this page went unvisited by its master. I almost forgot it existed. But it came back to me. Sitting at the porch, at midnight, it was deja vu.

Back when I was still in Afghanistan, alone, snow falling, and breathing out warm fog amidst subzero temperature.

Only this time, there was no fog. But there are mosquitoes. Well I am back in my homeland folks.

I'd skip the part of how I got back here. Today, we slept relatively earlier than the previous nights. I didn't have to cook dinner; I already grabbed a couple of McDonalds happy meals on the way home. So all I had to do was to feed them,  help my wife fix them up for bed, or let them watch their favorite cartoon till they fall asleep.

(BTW, McDonalds happens once a month at most so save your health or nutrition advises)

It's a routine that I have already mastered.

And I have decided to write about it. Actually, I didn't want to write about it - much more on a blog where my once readers found some of my documented travels an inspiration for them to go somewhere. I also don't expect private messages coming in with questions like how I did this or how I did that. I know this would bore them. Literally.

So after three years, why would I write again, especially about monotony that seemingly borders on infinity?  Not sure. Perhaps I just missed writing and maybe I should start doing it again.

Or maybe, I wanted to keep this moment written on the internet so that I will not forget. That at 2am, I was awake and thinking how a father and a husband's life changes after getting married and having children. That it was not an easy process, but I guess most dads go though the same phase.

Luckily, I've got a wife that kept me sane amidst all these changes.

Though perhaps not all linger (talking about being a loyal family man, and everything that comes with it). A part of me can't blame them. We, dads, are doomed to be stripped of all the perkyness of being a man of our own - the adventures, the close calls, unplanned but mostly staged sex, all the fucking crazy stuff we do when we can only have our nagging parents or girlfriends to worry about.

We slip into our other selves - yes, the ones that don't give a shit about our baconized boxers.

We get cloaked inside a routine of I-got-work-tomorrow and screw-you-guys-I'm-going-home thinking about the wife and the kids in between.

And like how you consistently struggled to sneak past your classes to go that movie date with that girl whose face you can no longer remember, you try to outsmart your todd in making her lie still while changing nappies. You do all all sorts of drama with your face - like those times you told your boss that you're calling in sick (enter cough and that horribly annoying sounds like I-am-dying stupid voice)

Only this time, its not because you were in a middle of a bad hangover. You make all sorts of sounds and face distortions because you're changing diapers and your baby is about to shower pee on your bed. If your lucky, they will spread poo like jam too.

And it's the same scenario every day (or night).

But I'm not writing this because I wanted to complain. I am writing all about this so that I will recall that once, in the middle of the night, I had thought of how my life had turn 180 degrees from blunt spontaneity to a crazy monotony.

And I'm loving every single part of it (that's right) that I will never want to go back.

Well perhaps, I should go post bunch of boring stuff. Like how to give vitamins to your toddler without smudging it on his face.

That would be exciting, I think.

Well my wife and I got evicted as you can see below. But chucks, I need to go back to sleep.

Just need to figure out where....