Don't get me wrong, I always had wanted a kid who will bear my legacy and carry forth all that I dreamed of. But everything, everything changed. Our world just became bigger and suddenly, I was not the only one who she was mesmerized about.
Maxine was born through an emergency caesarian section (did I spell that correctly?) which we did not expect to happen, really, since everything was going normal that time. My wife always had been cautious of her pregancy and had the knowledge on how to carry it perfectly as she was a nurse who's had tremendous hospital experience. After giving birth, we began to understand that life is not just about having cute babies and posting pictures in Facebook. It was about sleepless nights and body pain (that eas just for my wife). It was about her adding some 20 kilos more on her body that took her half a year to lose some half. And that was something because my wife never went beyond 50 kilos before we married.
Sometime she would complain about how her body had changed so much that she couldnt see herself anymore. I respond by asking her not to look at anything below her shoulder part. And she would complain more and I couldnt understand why. I thought that it was all part of it and that she knew what she was in for in the first place.
So a lot of times she would just go quiet and spend hours with her phone in her hand scrolling pictures in Facebook. And i'd thought she was stalking on other people which sort of baffles me why would anybody do that. But then she would show me pictures we took when we were in Bali, or when we were in Dubai, unmarried yet, and just having fun. I would just glance at them and smile at her to show her I am interested. But I know, she knows I am not.
Then our second baby came, and she had changed a lot more. Her pregnancy had even been more difficult as for the most of it, I was not with her. She was working to keep her committment to her job contract, that was how she was dedicated to her profession. I was prodding her to just go home with me, as she had done many times before. But she wouldn't as she has committed. Even after our second baby was born, she flew back to her work. Against.the will of her heart, the separation from our baby, lactating but couldn't breastfeed. I couldn't think why she would endure that. I did not understand it at all. That was then.
And she came home, still the same wife I have loved since. And still lingers to her phone all the time. But this time, she wasn't looking at the old pictures anymore. She was going over home designs, food recipes, sharing viral videos of babies being kidnapped and all those I-am-so-worried mommy stuff. She wakes up early and goes on making French toasts (which I have the least liking for, but it's ok). Our toddlers munch on them. She'd take pictures of them everyday, wearing the different clothes she bought in Dubai while whe was away from us. She takes a bath with them, comb their hair, change their nappies, sing them to sleep, feed them, and do everything with them (Except when they were asleep and it's my turn). And everyday it is like that. And time flies and things go on very slow and the only changes that happen now are how my kids grow up and learn words and how my wife and myself slowly spiral into older age.
Sometimes, I hear my wife telling Clark how she should have just stayed and breastfed him instead of wasting those precious milk away. I would then ask her why she had to leave instead of just letting those few months left in her contract go. She would respond that she needed to finish it.
I think what she meant was she needed to leave everything sorted out with her being a working nurse so she can leave them all behind and be a full time mom to my kids. It was about being ready to give everything, I mean EVERYTHING up, for my kids and for me. It was all about having peace of mind, that I think on a lot of occasions, I steal from her. Yet now she's back, though mesmerized about me the least, but the best mom to my kids.
So in this Mother's day and all days beyond, I love her even more than ever.
